I remember getting an invitation from Children’s Medical Center and the Palliative Care Team to their Remembrance Ceremony a few months after we lost our daughter, Ava Elaine Dickerson. We did not attend that first year. I’m sure I didn’t even talk to my husband or mom about it. Even though I truly appreciated the gesture and opportunity to share with other families, I was not ready. I was not as comfortable about crying in front people, especially strangers, as I am today. However, I did not realize five years ago that this room would not be filled with strangers. I may not know everyone’s name here, but I know now that names are not necessary. We share in something so much more profound than names or where we live or where we work or how we were raised. We have lost a life that we cannot explain. For some of us that life is our child. For the rest, it’s your grandchild, your niece or nephew, your cousin or a friend’s family member. To those of you that are sitting here today in support of the people that lost their child, I want to thank you. I encourage you to continue to surround them with love and lift them up in prayer. Your support is crucial in facing their journey of living life without their child. Faith, family and friends: this is how we survive the saddest days of our lives.
We will celebrate Ava’s 5th birthday this month by releasing 5 pink balloons, lighting candles, singing happy birthday and eating cupcakes. We will talk about how she changed our lives forever. We will tell stories to our two living sons about their younger and older sister. We will soak in each other’s presence, love and laughter. Time will stop for a moment and my heart will feel like doing the same. I will remember holding Ava as she took her last breath in my arms. Although she never spoke a word, she remains my greatest teacher of faith, hope and love. We will receive cards, emails and texts from family and friends that remember her birthday. I will save them in a memory box and read them again and again on the days that hurt the most. Like the days when I should be planning her next birthday party or having a fun conversation about what she wants to be for Halloween or seeing her Sunday School class that’s missing one child.
I would like to say that you being here today is a healing step in your grief process. Allow yourselves the space to remember and share your child’s life often. Listen to your spouse and the people that share in your loss; they will grieve differently and it is important to support each other.
Our daughter lived 47 days. The number forty-seven has become quite a significant sign from heaven and these signs continue to strengthen our faith and keep us anchored in hope.
In closing, I would like to share a story with you about our angel, Ava. Our sweet friends and neighbors, named their new racing horse Ava47, in memory of our daughter. Ava47 is a beautiful horse that captured my heart the moment I met her. Her pace is graceful and she takes long, powerful strides. Ava47’s first race was this past summer. She was the number 12 horse in the group racing. As my mom and I were walking down to the grandstands, a young couple behind us mentioned that they had made a wager on Ava47. So, my mom let them know the horse was named in memory of her granddaughter and the woman answered back by saying that her best friend just had a baby and named her Ava. How sweet!
As the gates opened we all cheered for Ava47! Watching her race was mesmerizing. Ava47 did not place but hearing the announcer say, “here comes Ava Forty-Seven” over the intercom made me smile. As we walked back to our table, our friends and Ava47’s owners, ‘E and Lauren’ said with excitement, “did you see what horses placed 1st and 2nd?” They pointed to the screen on our table: The number 4 horse then the number 7 horse crossed the finish line 1st and 2nd.
Thank you, Children’s Medical Center, for hosting this time to allow us to share in the memories of our children. May the peace of Christ be with each of you, always.