It’s been over a year since I’ve written anything to publish. I’ve spent more time journal writing which can be very helpful while sifting through the layers of grief that losing loved ones can create. Most of my posts develop in my head over a few days.  Some thing or some event lingers within my thoughts and grows in my heart and inspires me to write.  So, please let me share with you a few things that happened last week.

I decided to pick Jackson up from school before doing my volunteer work at church for the week. Each week I put out the children’s bulletins for church service, update and organize the children’s worship bags.  Jackson had a fun-filled day at school with an egg hunt and special snacks that afternoon.  I pushed him along in the cart and we started in the sanctuary balcony which is lined with beautiful stained glass, arched windows.  The windows are adorned with pictures of God, Jesus, His Disciples and Angels.  I don’t think Jackson had been in the sanctuary since he was an infant.  Almost immediately he noticed and commented on the windows, “Look at the pretty windows, Mommy!”.  I asked him who he saw in the windows.  He replied, “I see God, Mommy”.  As we were walking to the other side of the balcony, he commented, “I see Jesus, Mommy”.  A few seconds later while looking away from the windows and up and out over the balcony he said a few more times, “I see Jesus, Mommy!”.  It was like he was trying to convince me he actually saw Jesus, not just in the stained glass window.  I didn’t realize it right away but when he started to softly sing, Jesus Loves Me, it hit me.  Chills ran up and down my body and an immense sense of peace filled my heart.  Jesus Loves Me is not one of ‘our songs’ but he had it down to every word and chord.  I’m sure his wonderful teachers at school sing to him.  To hear Jackson sing the words of that sweet hymn brought me back to the very basics.  Yes, Jesus does love you, and me and everyone.  He Loves All.

Fast forward to bedtime that same evening.  Jackson and I are in the playroom filled with toys.  I asked him to pick one toy to bring to bed and then told him it was time to go ‘nite nite’.  Normally, he would start negotiating with “two more minutes” or “one more story”.   Not this night.  He stood up, walked out of the playroom and went directly to a side table in the hallway that has pictures and family mementos on it.  He pointed to a toy that belonged to my cousin, Billy.  “I want that toy, Mommy.” So I helped him get the toy off the table and tucked him snugly into bed.  As I walked out of his room he played with Billy’s toy that makes chiming sounds as you turn the circles.  Billy and I were best buds growing up and his Mom, Aunt Lori, gave me this toy during a special time in my life (note for another post).  Billy died in a tragic car accident when he was 30 years old and left behind a little girl.  Aunt Lori and I share that unfortunate bond of mothers that know how it feels to lose a child. She’s an amazing women:  strong, faithful, kind, thoughtful.  Aunt Lori and Billy possess these same wonderful attributes.  It was a heartwarming moment.

I retired to Todd’s office to do some work while he and Jason were still out at a basketball game.  I have Jackson’s baby monitor on my phone in an app.  I turned the monitor on and began to work. I immediately noticed a glowing circle of light by his crib and figured it was a reflection or glare on the screen.  Several minutes later I noticed it had slightly moved.  I sent a text to my mom and asked her to log onto Jackson’s monitor (Gaga and Papa have the same app) and take a look to see if she saw the same thing.  A few minutes later she sent a message back saying she could see the glowing light. I called her to tell her about the events that had happened earlier that day in the sanctuary and also with Billy’s toy.  We decided I should go into his room and check things out and that she would watch from her phone.  I entered his room and found nothing.  I saw no reflection, glare or light.  I walked around, moved the monitor and brushed off the screen.  When I called my mom back she said I walked directly through the light.  I logged back on and the glowing light was still there but had continued to move down and now had created a tail.  I took several screen shots from the app.  I tried to continue to work and my mom said she would continue to watch the light.

About an hour later she sent me a text, “The light is gone.”

My reply, “The light is always present.  We were just blessed to be able to see it tonight.”

I wonder if Jackson really did see Jesus in the sanctuary?   Was that Billy or Jackson’s sibling angels in his room watching over him?  I think so.  I believe.  I believe that children’s minds are so innocent, free from negativity, sadness and the ugly that encompasses our world.  Children can see the light because all they know is good.  And God is so good.